


build my world of you

by gavinsaleks (ohmaggies)



Series: thousand miles endlessly [2]
Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, M/M, Prequel to Main Story in 'Back To The Night We Met'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 16:09:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14216838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmaggies/pseuds/gavinsaleks
Summary: James doesn't think about him and Aleks together for long enough to make any conclusions, because they're friends and roommates and life partners, but he does manage to realise one thing. Just one, maybe two.He loves Aleks, he doesn't know how not to. And,He's not quite sure how to do this..the maine fic.





	build my world of you

**Author's Note:**

> a kinda prequel to the first part in this series, because just like aleks and james, i couldn't get maine out of my head! not really required to have read 'back to the night we met' to understand this, but it would help a lot and make a lot more sense if you did. this fic serves as an interlude between them meeting and them getting together!! written in james' pov because i'll never get tired of writing him realising he's in love but not wanting to Really realise it.
> 
> thanks for reading this, i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it  ♡.
> 
> \- rachel.

* * *

 

_2013 -_

 

There are days like this, where James wakes up in bed with Aleks curled against him, Aleks’ breath warm against the back of his neck, his arm thrown over James in his sleep, and considers staying here. For the blueberries he can walk outside the door of this inn and find in amounts so large he asks Aleks every time he sees them how they manage to get so many. Aleks laughs at the question, fond and all teeth, and his eyes crinkling shut, and James’ heart tightens painfully. Then, Aleks tugs on his sleeve and pulls him into a store nearby, and James lets himself get pulled anywhere Aleks wants him.

It's dangerous, what'd he'd do for him. Really, because Aleks almost stabs himself in the throat playing with a sharp toy sword in the store, and James’ first instinct is not to take it off Aleks, but to instead put his hand in the way of the blade halfway to Aleks’ neck.

Dangerous: these feelings he has when Aleks smiles at James and puts the sword back, and they stand in an awkward but pleasant silence for almost a minute before Trevor finds them. James unable to look away even when Aleks does, when he directs his smile to Trevor stumbling through the front door of the shop towards where they're huddled in the back. James is too focused on the beanie slanted on Aleks’ head, hiding his unwashed, unbrushed hair, and the soft, amused expression on his face as Trevor hands him a mug that bluntly reads, 'Alex.’

These are the days where James considers staying, because he's happy here and so are they, and the lighthouses are beautiful at night. With their warm lights and the ocean hitting against them, and the way the occasional bright of it sometimes sneaks through the curtains of their room and tangles itself in Aleks’ hair. That's a sight James could get used to, is sometimes worried he will and it'll make it even harder to leave when he inevitably gets tired of this place. Aleks, laughing with Ein jumping excitedly at his legs, Trevor pressing his face into his pillow to hide the sound of his giggling, and James unable to do more than watch.

These are also the days he takes the time to think about how much it's going to hurt when Aleks finds someone, because he's young and it's inevitable that he'll fall in love eventually. That hurts, but James rationalises that it's only because he's worried he'll never have someone himself, and not because he's worried Aleks will leave him. He should, before he gets stuck in a ridiculous situation where he and James are best friends, and road trip buddies, and co-parents to a teenager not too much younger than them, and life partners.

James has known, in a strange, fulfilled way, that Aleks will stay. With him. Preferably forever, for all of his life. Not quite together in that way, but together in a way in which they live together, coexist in a shared space, fall asleep right next to one another and don't move away in the morning when they wake up curled together. James thinks about that, considers it, and can't find it in himself to ever hope Aleks finds a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever, and it's selfish. It's so selfish, James hates it; he hates more, however, how much he relies on Aleks to always be in his life, and to want to spend the rest of their lives together.

Trevor will fall in love one day, and James will miss him but in the way a parent misses their kid when they go off to university. Despite the crushing weight of having to get used to him somewhere else with other friends, James will be happy for him. Aleks will be, too, and he'll sit next to James and say he misses Trevor, and James will slide his arm around Aleks’ shoulder and whisper that he does too. It's not that James has thought about it, but Trevor will leave in a few years, and James can't imagine any of the before, during or after of that happening without Aleks by his side.

It's okay to want to keep your friend around, because you're friends and you've known each other for a few years, and James only lets himself think that. He doesn't think about how hard it must be for Aleks, who has never been in love or had a relationship, and he doesn't think about how difficult it will be in a few years time when they're in their mid to late twenties and still single. Single, but holding hands so they don't get lost in crowds, sharing beds, sharing _lives_. Truth is, James hasn't been single in a long time, and neither has Aleks, but it's just because they're friends. Close friends, who could never be with anyone else because they're so close.

At the same time, the thought of Aleks with someone else, and in their bed, makes James too quiet and upset for him to comprehend.

.

He's never thought about getting married, because the possibility just feels so far out of reach and so unlikely that it's easier not to. On the really lonely days, the ones where Aleks spends the night awake and staring out the window at the ocean, James wonders if this is how they'll be for as long as they live. The comfort and compatibility of friendship, the needing to be together like friends, the ability to spend all these years together and never once get tired of the other.

James doesn't think about him and Aleks together for long enough to make any conclusions, because they're friends and roommates and life partners, but he does manage to realise one thing. Just one thing, maybe two.

He loves Aleks, he doesn't know how not to. And,

He's not quite sure how to do this.

.

The beach looks even more beautiful at dawn, during one of those mornings James and Aleks couldn't fall asleep in time to not be awake for. Trevor is passed out on the other bed away from the window, Ein watching James from where she's pressed to Trevor's side. She's getting bigger these days, James thinks, as Aleks kisses her forehead and ruffles her scruff. She hasn't realised yet that they're leaving, so her tail is flat and her tongue is mostly secure in her mouth, which all collapses the moment Aleks grabs for his keys off the table across the room.

“Goodbye, Einy,” James says, and Aleks opens their room door to James’ right. “See you later, baby.”

Aleks turns expecting to wait, and James pushes him gently, tiredly through the door and closes it behind them. They're close to the beach, a five minute walk across a road and the rocks, and to a small break in land right before the sand where they like to sit and watch the ocean. It's peaceful, pretty even, and James doesn't have to worry or over think as he concentrates on the waves every now and then swallowing the shore. He doesn't need to think at all, really, until they're settled in their spot and Aleks says, “You think one day this’ll be gone?”

It's not scared or too deep, just a question as Aleks watches a seagull peck at something a few metres away. James wants to come up with a good answer to that, and Aleks turns to look at him as he waits patiently for one, but James has never been too good at this.

“I think this will be, yeah. But covered over by the ocean or something, when all the ice things melt in like, 2030, or whatever. I don't think it's temporary, Aleks. It's a _beach_.”

“Everything is temporary, James,” Aleks says, and it's sincere in a way James wishes it wasn't, Aleks’ hand nudging close to his own where it's splayed behind him. “This is just one of those things.”

“You don't ever wish it was different?” James asks, even though it feels an awful lot like pulling teeth. They've had this discussion a billion times in the past, every time James packed their stuff in the middle of the night and decided he wanted to leave. Aleks going along with it like he always does, as though he doesn't know how not to, and James trying to ask if he's okay with it despite Aleks continuously being nicer about it than he should be. “That we could just… fucking settle down somewhere without me wanting to leave?”

Aleks is quiet for a minute before James turns to look at him, instantly locks onto the sight of Aleks’ eyes already staring into his. It's familiar, in a warm, comforting way that is terrifying for a reason James hasn't quite figured out yet. But, he knows. It's hard to say, to think, so he pushes it down instead, thinks about how pretty the beach looks around Aleks, eyes reflecting the lights from the lamps on the road.

“No,” Aleks answers, barely whispered, the street lamps flickering across the pale skin of his face. “Never.”

.

Maine is beautiful this time of year, autumn bringing a chill they're all accustomed to after years of spending their winters in below average temperatures. The ocean's too cold to consider swimming in, even though Aleks jokingly pretends to slip off a rock and accidentally really puts his leg up to the knee in a pool of freezing water. He laughs with a strangled yell, and Trevor nearly collapses with laughter while standing next to James watching, his hand grabbing onto James’ sleeve to keep himself upright.

“Alright?” James calls, can't help the slight concern that drips into his words despite his own amusement.

“Oh, shit,” Aleks says, hands gripping the rocks as he recovers, his soaking wet jeans and shoe looking painfully cold. Aleks glances over with a toothy smile, squinting slightly as the sun catches his face. “Fucking cold, dude.”

All Trevor can offer through near halted laughter is a mockery of Aleks’ words, but it's fond in a way that James can relate to. Aleks is dumb, and ridiculous, and really actually made that mistake after James warned him not to only moments earlier, but James still can't help the warmth he feels towards him. Aleks is stupid and young, but James loves him, because they're friends and they have fun together, and because Aleks is Aleks. That's a good reason, probably. He's just Aleks.

“You don't say,” James retorts, but smiles easily as Aleks tries to cling to the rocks to keep himself from falling in the water. The waves are picking up, the air cold and biting at parts of James’ exposed skin, enough for him to shake his head at how much it must sucks for Aleks. “You need some help getting up, Aleksandr?”

“Not from you, James,” Aleks says effortlessly, as his shoes slide down the surface of the rocks. He's too proud to accept help of any kind, even as his toes inch closer again to the water. Despite the distance, James can see his jaw clenched, his teeth shattering, and starts the slow walk over to get him when Aleks sees, and turns to say, “I can get up on my own.”

It's amusing, still, but James’ patience is slowly dwindling, clumps of semi wet sand clinging to his sneakers. “You're gonna get hypothermia, moron,” he yells, the tone in his voice worried and slightly frustrated, Trevor quiet behind him. Aleks doesn't move, continuing to dig his fingers into holes in the rock as he slips down further down, dangerously close to falling in again. Except this time, James has more than a feeling that it won't just be his leg that will go in; more his whole body, and James is going to have to strip off his jacket so Aleks doesn't freeze to death on the way back to their room.

“My beanie!” Aleks has a hand pressed into his hair, the other still holding on, and his beanie is carried into the water by the wind. “James!”

_No fucking way._

James leans to grab a stick a inch or so from his own feet, long enough to hopefully be able to fish Aleks’ beanie out of the water before it gets too heavy and sinks. If beanies can even sink, he's not exactly willing to find out just yet, like he's not exactly okay with standing here and seeing how Aleks tries to get himself out of this mess. James will teasingly scold him later for being so stupid and refusing to let anyone help him, but Aleks lets out a laugh that is part disbelief and part 'God, this would be funny if it wasn't happening to me.’

“Get the fuck up already,” James snaps, and Aleks’ nervous smile fades into concern for the fact that he can't. It's cold and wet and slippery, and he's barely clinging on as is. “I'll get your hat.”

“Beanie!” Aleks corrects, voice loud but deafened lightly by the wind. He's managed to slid his legs further up the rock away from the water, one still dripping wet from his slight fall, but he's not up completely yet. Half trapped between the water and the steadier rocks, he digs his fingers into a gap in the rock and clings. “It's a fucking beanie, James.”

“You're a whiny asshole considering you expect me to save you,” James scoffs, and even though he doesn't mean the words, Aleks stares at him. Not hurt, but more that he wasn't expecting it. Which, he should, because it's James and he's jokingly said worse in the past; it's better, easier, than being nice, because soft punches and swearing is a good alternative to real feelings. Except with Trevor, but he's an exception to a lot of the ways James treats people, namely Aleks, and not just with the occasional harshness.

“I'm sorry, can you get my beanie?” Aleks says through clenched teeth, and James has the sense to pity him for long enough to haul himself up the rocks towards the pool of ocean water Aleks is hovering above.

The beanie is so wet it's almost impossible to see, but it's fabric and has a stripe of light blue that is only just tainted by the water. James digs the stick into the water and tries to hook it inside the beanie, Aleks’ small, soft grunts as he holds himself where he is. It would be funny, if James wasn't worried about him falling in, or about the part of his leg that's probably purple under his soaked jean leg. He should've, in hindsight, helped Aleks first, but midway through the thought, he pulls the stick up and retrieves Aleks’ beanie off the end. So, triumphant, successful, and Aleks is smiling gratefully when James turns to him.

“Can you, like, help me? Maybe?” Aleks tries, and his struggle is evident as James moves forward to put both hands around Aleks’ middle and pull him towards him. He's light, luckily, but his hands are ice as he grabs back at James, scrunches the fabric of James’ hoodie in his hands as he clings to him.

“Good?” James asks, and despite Aleks safe and next to him, he doesn't let go. Aleks doesn't either, hands in a tight grip on James’ forearms, breath cold as he slowly huffs, and James tries to meet his eye but can't.

“Uh, I think so?” Aleks says.

James nods, letting a surprise silence settle between them, Ein barking at them in the distance where she's smuggled in Trevor's arms. Aleks laughs then, nervous and shaky, and James smiles back softly. It's cold, James’ ears numb in the cold and his breath a barely visible cloud in front of his face, Aleks’ wet leg brushing his making him hiss. It's drenched, so far from day it's dripping at his feet, and James’ own pant leg is wet in a small patch as it presses itself to his leg.

“You're freezing,” he points out, a little too obviously. Aleks only tightens his grip, even as James goes to move so they can go to their room and warm up. It's so cold that Trevor calls out a goodbye, tucking Ein into his jumper as he walks up the beach and easily climbs a wall of rocks with his long legs. James turns back to Aleks, whose jaw is clenched and his mouth curled in one corner in displeasure.

“Remember when- 'member when you locked me outside in that snow? And my whole body was covered in ice? And you fucking left me out there to freeze, then pushed me down in the slush and made me lie there.” James remembers, almost can't forget, so he nods, stupidly. “That was a billion times worse than this, and they're both entirely your fault.”

James opens his mouth to argue when Aleks laughs, his freshly cut fringe slightly wet across his forehead.

“ _My_ fault?”

“Yeah,” Aleks says back confidently, voice shaking as his teeth click together, his whole body shivering in the cold. “Your fault, James.”

James stares, then pulls his arms back as Aleks’ fingers release where they were digging in. He looks miserable when James gets a proper glance at him, but there's an characteristically humoured expression on his face, eyes shining and lips easily forming a smile. It makes James tug at his own jacket, fisting it in his hand to pass to Aleks, who is seemingly confused at the sudden offer of clothes sharing.

“What is it about being in Maine that makes you suddenly think the cold doesn't bother you?” Aleks asks amused, but still gently takes the offered jacket and pulls it on over his thin hoodie. “I'm not complaining, just so you know. It's cold, I appreciate your heroic sacrifice in rescuing me. And my beanie, which I accidentally shoved in my back pocket and is fucking cold, and wet.” He pauses, digging his icy hands in his front pockets in an attempt to make them warm. “If I get hypothermia, I'll be pissed, James.”

“You're not going to get-”

“But what if I do?” Aleks presses, clear from his tone of voice that he's merely teasing.

“You _won't_ ,” James says, firm, but Aleks doesn't seem satisfied with the answer.

“You don't know that.”

“I'll keep you warm, asshole.” James says, too loud but drowned out a little by the whoosh of the ocean. Aleks is pale from the cold, cheeks red from something James doesn't know. “Now shut up.”

.

James’ jacket is a little loose on Aleks, who is too small for his own good. He's tall, and he has been the same height as James pretty much since they met. It made hugging easier, on the rare occasions they did, like at the train station when they first met in person, or when Aleks showed up at James’ door in college worried about failing an exam and James had instantly pulled him in for an embrace. Or, when they were working for Dan and Jordan last year- 2012 seems like a million years ago now, even though it's barely been a year since- and the van broke down on their way somewhere. Aleks was kicking at the tyres, swearing because it was late and he wanted to go back to their motel room for the night. And Jordan told him to calm down in that caring yet condescending tone of his, Dan beside him.

Aleks, beanie falling off his mop of thick hair, hands buried in his pants pockets: “Calm down, Jordan? I'm calm,” despite the obvious edge of irritation in his voice. “I'm just worried that some wild fucking cannibals are going to jump out from behind all these trees and hack off my head with some old, rusted hatchet they keep to amputate unexpected idiot’s heads off.”

Jordan was quiet after that, and James moved to stand cautiously in front of Aleks, hoping his presence was soothing. “Dan's gonna call his friend Spence to give us a ride, Aleksandr. Stop your freaking out.” Aleks, in return, offered an unimpressed look, and James rested his hands on either side of Aleks’ arms, too tired to even force the smile he wanted to fake. Aleks was right, really, about the dark and the trees, and how eerie it felt to be trapped here for the hours it would take for Dan's friend to pick them up. Trevor was asleep in the back snoring lightly, and Jordan had one hand tucked under his upper body, the other hand holding his phone, Dan lingering nearby.

“I'm fucking tired of this, James,” Aleks said, his voice too strained and upset for James’ comfort. He loosened on his grip on Aleks, who fell into him naturally, his arms coming up to cling at James back, fingers grasping gently at James’ hoodie. Sleeping was a rare comfort those days, continues to be in Maine with a room at an inn and a newfound lack of responsibility. Aleks, his pant leg slowly drying, his hands holding James’ jacket around himself, reminds James of that day with Jordan. Because, Aleks hasn't grown much, and he looks just as young and unimpressed as he did then, and James’ fondness for him temporarily triples by a thousand. It's hard to continue walking when they reach the road before the beach, and Aleks turns to James, an idea James already had perched on the tip of his tongue.

“Yeah,” James says, before Aleks has the chance to say way he was thinking.

“Yeah,” Aleks echoes, and he reaches to grab at James’ wrist to lead him away from the inn and towards a row of shops.

.

The only person currently working in the shop doesn't look too happy about the addition of their presence as the bell above the door chimes. She glances at them then back to her phone, and Aleks hasn't seemed to notice as he half drags James towards a small aisle of colourful shirts meant for tourists. They're all ridiculous and ugly, with weird shapes or odd slogans written on them, until James spots something familiar and takes it off the rack. It's a dark blue, almost navy, the bottom hem purposefully decorative to represent the ropes of a boat, the lighthouse they can just see from their room painted in the center. It's ugly, but James holds it up and knows he has to get it, clearing his throat to gain Aleks’ attention.

Aleks laughs, earning a disparaging look from the cashier, and turns to fall slightly against James, pressing his face against James’ chest, his forehead resting up near James’ clavicle.

James lifts his hand to settle on the small of Aleks’ back, Aleks’ hair tickling his neck and his muffled laughter warm through the thick fabric of James’ hoodie. It's nice, but James doesn't want to think about how nice it is because it's easier not to, though still finds himself not moving away from the embrace. Aleks laughs, more breath than actual chuckle, into James, stumbling forward a bit and somehow getting closer. They must look ridiculous, surely, and James’ other hand hasn't yet let go of the shirt.

“Holy shit,” Aleks exhales, “if you get that, James, I'm never talking to you again.”

“Y'don’t like it?” he jokes, let's false disappointment cover his words. It makes Aleks laugh harder, his wet beanie damp and no longer a distraction in his back pocket, and James’ heart swelling familiarly under his chest cavity. “Should I get it for Trevor?”

Aleks laughs, loud and boisterous and so _him_ that James clings a little harder to him. Eventually the warmth disintegrates, Aleks moving away to grab at the shirt and examine it. The expression on his face is hard to decipher, but there's an amused glint in his eye that's hard to ignore once James notices it. It's difficult to not notice Aleks sometimes, and not just because he and James are close, but James can't really find anything to explain it other than the knowledge that they're friends. It doesn't feel right, exactly, but it's easier than overthinking it.

A feeling settles, one James has always known, and Aleks seems completely unaware. His hair is a mess, the jacket James leant him weighed down with Aleks’ hands in the pockets, and James wants to lean over to be close to him, or brush his short hair away from his face. Or, do something. Anything. James doesn't know what to do, but he walks forward and let's Aleks’ surprised, “oh,” consume the air around them as their hands move to rest on the small of each other's back.

“What's this for?” Aleks mutters, though doesn't try to move away.

“Just 'cause, Aleksandr. Just 'cause.”

Admittedly- more than admittedly, _absolutely_ \- James doesn't know what he's doing, but Aleks hugs back and exhales warmth into James’ shoulder, and it doesn't matter. It doesn't. They're friends, best friends, life partners, pseudo parents to a young teenager even though they're too young themselves to really be any good for him. They have each other, they'll always have that, so just this once, James will let himself feel what he wants, and think what he wants, and he'll let Aleks keep his jacket because he likes the way it looks on him.

James loves him, and spending time around Aleksandr has never been anything less than all he wants to do with his time.

.

.

.

“Kinda romantic, don't you think?” James says, as a joke, as he stares out at the ocean, focuses on that instead of Aleks in his peripheral wearing his hoodie.

Beside him, Aleks shrugs, and James muffles a newfound disappointment he doesn't recognise with the serenity of the ocean. “Not really,” Aleks mutters.

James pretends he doesn't hear over the sound of the waves and the boat horn honking in the distance.


End file.
